Dodging the Dog Lady

Last night I found myself peeking out my window before going outside, scoping out the cross street before rounding the corner, and skipping out on quality outside time in 70 degree weather.

This is not like me.  I normally take the road most traveled, or the one with the most people currently walking so that I can "casually" bump into someone and strike up a useless conversation in hopes of expanding the friend circle from one (Bri) to two (anyone).  So why am I dodging interaction and gorgeous weather you may ask??

My puppy Mose has made a new friend in the neighborhood, and by new friend I mean he's found another dog to take advantage of sexually while barking loud and obnoxiously in our front yard.  Yes, he knows what the ladies like.  This new dog is named Misty.  She's a Jack Russell with a pimp limp and a typical, CODE RED dog owner.  The dog owner does not pick up on the usual social cues such as:  

"Well, we better get going..."

"Mose is being so loud, I should bring him in so we don't wake our neighbors."

"I really need to get dinner started."

"I'm not wearing a bra, so I should probably get out of the street."

But more importantly, she thinks normal conversations include descriptions of dog poops, fleas, ticks, and dog humping.  Now, I understand that I just celebrated my dog's first birthday by cooking him a steak and sweet potatoes #puppiesarepeopletoo, BUT I do know how to appear normal to strangers.  I think.

Yesterday morning, around 7:15 AM our new friend came strolling in front of our house (bra-less herself), and decided to make a pit stop in our front yard so Misty and Mose could have a hump play date.  

I know you're all thinking, 

"This chick just complained for a WHOLE YEAR because she never talked to anyone, and now she's upset about a little CODE RED dog owner?!?!?!"  ( See: Hello Boards. Goodbye Husband. )

It's more than that.  I promise.  

You see, I'm not a morning person.  I love morning time because it comes with my two favorite things... coffee and silence.  I am sincere when say I do not do well with others in the morning.  I think there should be a rule in every household that no one speaks until at least 9:00.  I'm telling you... this world would be a better place!

So, this dog lady.  She's invading my silence.  She's taking away the joy of my ONLY cup of daily coffee, and more importantly she's replacing it with a big hunk of awkward.  After nearly an hour of standing in my front yard using every excuse I could think of to get away from the humping dogs and Code Red, I literally just walked to my front door and waved goodbye.  

So long, manners.  (Sorry, Mom)

To make things worse, J and I were walking the streets yesterday evening and CODE RED came back to the house looking for us while we were gone.  Thankfully, Bri sent a warning text...

I'm so lucky to have a friend/neighbor who understands the severity of this situation.

Upon receiving this text, J and I decided to change our evening stroll route.  Bri updated us again with, "She's heading West on Virginia Street", and we were able to SUCCESSFULLY dodge Code Red.  

Whew.

J is currently working on a book of excuses for our next two years here in Charleston with Code Red.  He better get busy, I'm ready to enjoy my new swing.

Am I alone in this, or do you dodge your neighbors too?

-Cap

Puppy Love

Weighing in at a whopping 1.13 pounds, this is the cutest creature to ever exist.  He's name is Mosley.  He poops, he pees, he loves toes and he chews on EVERYTHING.  But because he is this dang cute... It all seems SO ADORABLE!

Going about getting Mosley was quite an adventure.  After J's test Monday (which was also J's birthday), we started on the long trek to Phillippi, WV.  For some reason, all of the locals seem to think everywhere in WV takes about an hour and a half to get to.  On the contrary... Phillippi was about a 4 hour drive down the most winding and terrifying road in WV.  J and I were fine with the long drive UNTIL we tried to call Wilma, the dog breeder, to get directions to her place and we got a busy signal.  J continued to call and call and call and call.  Getting more and more worried that he and Leah were scammed by a sweet old lady with every busy tone.  Wilma is about 75 years old, and her husband is about 100.  I wouldn't say they were the most technologically up-to-date older couple.  One would probably even venture to say they don't own a cell phone, but Wilma knew J and I were suppose to meet her in the "city" between 3-5pm so we figured she would start to wonder why her phone hasn't rung, and why these people who paid a pretty penny for a puppy haven't showed up.  We decided to keep driving and hope Wilma would call.  We continued to make our way to Phillippi, and never heard from dear sweet Wilma.  

J, Leah (my sister) and I decided to play Nancy Drew and hunt little old Wilma from Phillippi down.  Our detective skills quickly proved to be IMPRESSIVE.  My sister gave us Wilma's last name and husband's name; which we then googled in hopes of finding an address.  We found this... RR 4 BOX 291A.  If you aren't familiar with Rural Routes, it basically means you live in the West Virginia hills that the movie WRONG TURN was modeled after.  These Rural Routes are not true addresses.  They are only helpful for the postal service.  They make NO sense to anyone else, and they do not in ANY way show up on google maps.  I know this, because I too live on a Rural Route. (joy!)

When J and I finally made it to Phillippi, we decided to just pick random streets to drive down and look for "RR 4" on mailboxes.  We found RR 2, RR 3, but no RR 4.  That's when I decided to call the local post office.  A nice woman informed me that while she does not have the exact address, she does know that RR 4 is near The Old Barn Country Store.  Then, my lovely phone decided to cut out before I could ask her for directions to this Old Barn Country Store.  Well played, AT&T.

J and I were left to old school defenses.  Being that neither one of us really have a great sense of direction,  finding Wilma became quite a man hunt.  We stopped at every gas station we saw until someone FINALLY knew where The Old Barn Country Store was.  The Old Barn Country Store was just that... an old barn turned country store, and right across the street from the country store was RR 4.  It was practically shining in all of it's Nancy Drew Mystery glory.  We were proud of our accomplishments, and THE SCENT OF PUPPY WAS NEAR!

We turned down RR 4 looking for BOX 291A, and realized we were only at BOX 2.  I knew this wasn't good, but it wasn't until I realized that each family plot had a BOX 2, BOX 2A, BOX 2B, BOX 2C, BOX 2D, BOX 2E, and even a BOX 2F (THIS is how you say BACK WOOD in West Virginiaese), when I realized this was really really bad.  We were still nowhere CLOSE to Wilma and puppy dog. We kept driving.  Thinking surely box 291A would show up soon.  We drove and drove and drove, and Finally... we found a woman walking her two children.  In shear puppy determination, I decided to just go for it.  "Excuse me, do you happen to know a Wilma who breeds Yorkies?"  

"Oh yea, Wilma's just around this curve.  Her farm backs up to this farm here."

HALLELUJAH!  

We pulled up to a white house and knocked on the door.  A ferocious dog ran to our car door, and we pondered whether we should risks our lives and get out of the vehicle for about two whole seconds.  Then, in unison, J and I both looked at each other and smiled.  As if to say, "We've come this far... If we are meant to get mauled by a dog, I guess it's DESTINY."  We exited the vehicle and managed to make it to the front porch with only a few scratches and a case of attempted rape against the ferocious dog.  Even though this house was very sketchy and their dog was very mean,  I COULD HARDLY CONTAIN MY EXCITEMENT!  J was telling me the whole way to the door (between doggy attacks), "Cap, if it's a scam I promise we will still get a puppy from SOMEWHERE."  (I picked a winner!)

The door opened, and J and I got the weirdest look of "who the hell are you?" from the woman who answered.

"Are you Mrs. Wilma?"

"No."

"Do you know Mrs. Wilma?"  (not ready to give up hope)

"Yea, she lives under the hill."

HALLELUJAH!  (again)

We pull up to Wilma's house and see her working outside on her bird cages.  I wanted to hate her.  I wanted to scream, "WHY DIDN'T YOU ANSWER YOUR FREAKING PHONE?"  But she was a cute old lady working on bird cages, and she had yorkies EVERYWHERE.  No part of me could have expressed my frustration with her.

Wilma-  "Well, there you are!  What took you so long?"

J- "We didn't have your address, and your phone was off the hook."

Wilma- (looking guilty, and obviously not understanding our 5 hour struggle to get here) "Well, you're here now."

GOOD CALL, WILMA.  

* Note to self, when someone who is obviously very tired and frustrated with you comes to your home... Show them a puppy.

This little guy was worth it.

In two short days, Mosley has quickly captured the hearts of J and me.  He is the ONLY thing that can wake me up every morning at 3:30 and keep me up for hours with no coffee.  He currently goes everywhere with me, and he is no doubt already spoiled ROTTEN.  He has officially filled my friendless void.  : )

Enjoying J's left over Tbone.

-Cap