Monday, August 27, 2012

"Do you have a mouse in your pocket?"

As a kid, anytime I would say a sentence with “we” my stepdad’s response would be, “Do you have a mouse in your pocket?” 

For instance,
“We should go to the movies.” 
“Do you have a mouse in your pocket?”

“We should go get ice cream!”
“Do you have a mouse in your pocket?”

I never understood the joke as a kid, but he is from England and that always seemed to be the perfect excuse to never fully understand what he was talking about.

Now 14 years later, I get it.

      J is famous for his “we” sentences.

We should really start working out.”
We should fold clothes today.”
We should stop drinking soft drinks.”
We should try to read more often.”

When he says this, I think three things:

     ~  I already do all of those things.
     ~  Who is this “WE
     ~ “Do you have a mouse in your pocket?”

Then, I go for a run.

Running makes everything in my life seem a little less serious.  I usually leave frustrated and sometimes stressed because J has been pacing around the apartment or circling me like a shark while I sit reading on the couch.  (J is what WVSOM calls an “active learner”.  I think it’s similar to Christian Bale in American Psycho!)  When I return from my run I am always refreshed, calm, and a more understanding wife who isn't fearful for her life.  


I normally run the Greenbrier River Trail, because it's open enough for me to scream loudly if I feel I need to let it all out.  It's also beautiful;  really really really beautiful.

This is how my running brain works…

Before halfway point

-What does he mean “WE” Should start working out?!
-Does he not know I just folded all of his clothes yesterday?
-Man, that old dude can run!  He’s even got a six-pack.
-I’m never folding clothes again.
-I hope bears aren’t in these woods.
-That man was creepy.  Maybe I should bring mace next time.

My favorite spot along the Greenbrier River Trail
After halfway point

 (after seeing how beautiful the Greenbrier River Trail is and thinking about breathing consistently instead of American Psycho)

-I guess I could start running more.
-West Virginia is really beautiful.
-Maybe J was just thinking out loud.
-Man, that old dude is already finished and stretching!
-I really love the weather here.
-I should probably do laundry tonight.
-I really hope bears aren’t in these woods.
-I will definitely bring mace next time.

And this, my fellow housewives and live-in girlfriends, is why you should run.  So you don’t end up being the new premise for a Saturday night movie special (be it victim or murderer) on Lifetime.  IT'S CRUCIAL!  

I realize females normally get the "crazy" title by the men in our lives, and it makes us FURIOUS… but sometimes, the only normal explanation to the goings on in my brain is that I am going crazy.  When I freak out about folding J's clothes, "we" sentences, being circled like a shark's next meal, and having turkeys take over my driveway,  I am normally jolted back into reality either mid run or two minutes into a hot bath when I realize a few key points:

 -I am not crazy.
-Maybe this med school/housewife thing J and I have going on isn’t so bad. 
-Having a little alone time is actually nice.
-Maybe finding turkeys who are ready to attack in your driveway is a fun memory to tell the kids you WILL have ONE day. 
-Maybe living off of student loans isn’t as stressful as you make it out to be.  Wait.. no,  that one isn’t true.

The bottom line is… There is a silver lining.  And it is that one day, (approximately 6-7 years from now) J will be living his dream.  I will have a wonderful feeling of accomplishment that I did indeed not go crazy, and hopefully… we will have a Golden Retriever named Willow.  


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