Wednesday, August 29, 2012

L7 Weenie

There is this little thing called a hurricane.  It sometimes floods houses, uproots people from their cities, snaps 100 year old trees in half, demolishes roofs and fences, leaves you without electricity for weeks on end, and some have been known to bring the crazies (and traffic) to your little bitty small town.  I’m from Louisiana. It’s fair to say I’ve experienced my share of inclement weather, and although these little wind busters are dangerous, I LOVE THEM!  Love them, I tell you!  I love the board games, sitting in candlelight, rushing to cook everything in the freezer before it goes bad, and I love the rain (all of it).

Hurricane Isaac is currently heading straight for Louisiana, and I’m jealous. I keep seeing Facebook updates about hurricane parties, and I actually commented on one that my friend Jenny posted, “JEALOUS! I love hurricane parties! Board games, candlelight, and spoiled milk… what’s better?!”  I was serious.  COMPLETELY serious.

Jenny responded, “more like booze, queso, and dark chocolate.” 

It was at this very moment when I realized... I am SO lame.

Some of you may be thinking… It took you THAT long?

Yes.  It did, and the truth hurts.  I was not even thinking about booze.  I was thinking… maybe after J’s test tomorrow I can convince him to play MADGAB with me by candlelight! (mental note: cool people always think booze first)

This is the part where I would like to blame my lack of coolness on being stuck in the middle of nowhere with my hubs in Med School, but that wouldn’t be true.  The being lame bit started when I was a senior in high school.  I was at a party in the middle of a pasture dodging cow patties when I realized, This stinks... literally.  After that party (we'll call it 'the night I saw the light'), I went through an incredibly awkward stage of painting my fingernails black, and I also developed an unhealthy love for Louis Armstrong and cassette tapes.   

Looking back, I feel like a had a decent amount of coolness through most of my junior high and high school life, but something about that Senior year was where everything changed.  Not only was I a girl with black fingernails and a strange collection of cassette tapes (that even included MEATLOAF), but I also quit the cheerleading team (heaven forbid) and turned over my letterman jacket for a handmade tie-dyed sweater. You would think that after I cashed in my senior cruise money for a chance to stay in Mexico for a month and work in a village that was about as depressing as the show Hoarders, my mom would have put her foot down... but somehow I managed to make her think I was just a caring, sensitive 18 year old.  The truth was I was scared to death of being stuck on a boat with a ton of horny, drunk seniors.

With that said, I have a new quest in life… BECOMING UN-LAME. 

This is a hard one.  We are talking about a person that actually considers buying a new ball of yarn and starting new knitting projects an exciting Friday night party.  This is far more serious than turning Rachel Leigh Cook into the prom queen.  I need an intervention.  A “how to not act 72 when you’re 24 INTERVENTION”!

I think I've made a few baby steps in the coolness department since senior year.  My once black nails are now coral and my cassette tapes have been replaced with records (which is apparently cool these days).  However; I still knit on Friday nights, post publicly to Facebook about how excited I am to play board games by candlelight, and I genuinely feel like the T-shirt/slogan, "Keep Austin Weird" was the best advertisement ever...So I have a ways to go.

It is my hope that whether you are 18, 24, or 72... you stay cooler than me. So in an effort to keep you cool, I’ll give you a list of what I consider my “problem areas” aka WHAT NOT TO DO.

Obvious lame tendencies

-Lame Facebook posts
-Owning house slippers
-Wearing house slippers
-Thinking Italian coffee is a great excuse to splurge
-Chasing turkeys
-Running from turkeys
-Hating jello shots
-Knitting on Friday nights
-Dancing obnoxiously on purpose.
-Going to bed at 10pm
-Passing on a free cruise
-Eating lunch in your car so you can finish listening to Mocking Jay on Audiobooks.

Best of Luck to you, cool kids!


Little update about "Back in the Burg":
I got the job!  Now, I just have to dig up all of my legal documents that prove I'm legit, and wait 6 weeks while my Louisiana cosmetology license is being changed to WV.  Fun.

*Tip:  If you feel you may be moving around the country in your adult life... Do not become a professional in an area where each state requires you have a different license.  It's not fun to switch them over, and it costs a ridiculous amount of money.  I realize it's the system, but let's get serious people... IT'S JUST HAIR.

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